Such negativity!

I am seriously feeling demotivated with my life right now... Some of my colleagues have tendered their resignations and they will be out by June... Me? Whenever someone asked what am I going to do next, I will shrugged. I myself don't have the answer right now. Sit and wait? Whenever I feel the urge to apply for a new position I will be left thinking... if I were to be the employer, would I be hiring me? I don't think so... at least not to the position I wanted to apply to...

I NEED a direction in life. Where can I find it? I feel LOST and so insecure right now... Feel STUPID and unloved... How do you do it? To be sure of something? I just don't know...

I don't find any real pleasures in life anymore... My life is as dull as it can be. Sure I have a loving husband, but sometimes I doubt that he understood me the way I wanted him to be. I have a loving family, but they are so far from me, I can't reach them as frequent as I wanted to. I have friends... but we all have our own journey to ride... What else is missing?

People starting to give comments of maybe I should just start a family and focus on them.. Sure, I would love that more than anything.. but they don't actually fall down from the sky do they? Why can't I just be happy?

Lost World

Just when I thought I am the most screwed up person in this world, I came to know that
there are actually more people that I know ended up in this same boat that I'm in now...
What a life.

Today a good friend of mine shared with me about the feeling of being LOST. More of being uncertain of what path should we choose in life... I guess for me it will be career wise.

What should I do next? Lab work? Highly unlikely... Back to insurance line? Argh... even the thought of actually doing the things I used to do makes my head ache... So stay in this current one? It's leading me to nowhere... So what then? My husband asked me to set a goal... I don't even know how to set for one right now.

I know most of you will think how irresponsible I must be... Approaching 30 years old this year and still unsure about career path. I envy people who has been doing the same thing forever... Like most of my Uni friends who took up teaching course right after they graduate. Some were lucky enough to get to work in the gov sector. Now they are teachers, high ranked gov officers and I doubt that they will have to think to change their careers anymore.

Sometimes I do regret of my chosen field of study. Maybe I should have chosen something that is more career specific... But there's no point in dwelling the past anyway.

This can go on all night long and will come to no conclusion. The sharing I had with that friend I mentioned also ended the same. Guess it's easy to find a job ... but to find a job that you really love and passion about is like searching for a needle in the mountain of hay.