Uncertainty, you like?

I hate this kind of situation. Yes, you will still do your stuff like normal, but you can't run from the thoughts of "What will happen next?" in your life. Be it your personal relationship with someone, your health, your family matters and of course, your career. Although it can be bad sometimes, but I do like to have some sort of certainty in my life. I like to have a calm feeling of "Ok, everything is certain for now". Of course, some things in your life won't be as certain as the coming of the Apocalypse. But you will try to have some certainties in life like he will still love you tomorrow, your parents are still going to accept you as you are, your pets are still depending on you and etc…

Well, now I’m in this situation. I feel like freezing this very moment and finish whatever pending jobs I have to do and then just sit and rethink the whole purpose of being here again. To be honest as a child, I don’t know what I want with my life… I know I want to get married with my partner and spend more time with my parents… and of course I want to have more money in life to live and buy stuff… (Don’t blame me… It is a materialistic world that you are living in) And I like to bake and cook… So I have this vivid image of me opening a diner of my own… Maybe, maybe. But… marriage thing is not until next year… and I am now trying the best as I can to fly back home to spend time with my parents… and the money, still lacking of course…

So, why complaining? Actually a friend of mine has taking a step ahead in her life, makes me realize what do I want to do next… Not only in my career stuff but also in my life, as a whole. I can’t help to regret some steps that I have taken before but since I’m already here I have to try to make the best out of it. The plan is to lay low until my big move in personal life next year but I keep wondering will it be too late by then?

Being the state that I’m in now is ain’t fun. You know you have so many to give in you but somehow you are unable to channel them out. I have always been wishing for a sole independent decision maker that’s still me but wiser in decision-making. Not to say that I am really bad at them, but sometimes I do suck at it. Long sigh…
But I know, without knowing and realizing it, everything will go back as normal as it can be… And I’ll see how I turn up by then. :)